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We put him down this morning at 11 35. It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss him so fucking much. He took a turn for the worse this morning so I called up my mum to come home from work so we could end his suffering as soon as possible. About a year ago, because of his failing heart, a blood clot paralyzed his back legs and we were sure that was going to be the end of him. Everywhere I read online it said this was an almost certainly fatal condition for a cat. But nope, he defied the odds he got better and was able to move his legs a bit more every day. It was hard though, he became so restless, meowing all the time and panicking for about 3 nights straight, but he got better. And after a few weeks he was back to his normal playful self.

This morning out of nowhere that same thing happened to him on top of the coughing and shortness of breath and weak muscles. It was too much and i couldn't keep him calm, he was not going to eat or drink. Today had to be the end. As i was struggling to hold him while making a call to the vet right after he bit though my finger, I felt rather complacent about the idea of it. It was too painful to see him like that.

It still hasn't hit me, I just got home and don't know what to do, nothing feels right. The house is dead quiet and for the first time in 19 years I'm completely alone in it. I can't even think straight I want to burst out into tears but knowing he's not around to hear me and knowing he's not anywhere it feels strange. I'm glad he's been put to rest, he deserved to go in a decent way, he deserved everything.

Good bye buddy.
Tonight I was talking with my mum about when we are going to take my cat Jinx to the vet for the last time. We've had since I was in grade 3. He's 19 years old. He's been slowing down a little by little in the recent year or so. Slower to go up the stairs, sleeping more etc. I thought he would just continue along that slope for another good while, I'd almost thought he would never get to that point at which we were considering his final days, the concept of it was inconceivable. But here we are. These are his final days, and after tonight I now know exactly how much longer he has.

I don't recall when i first noticed it but he has been coughing for 3 maybe 4 weeks now, for a while I thought they were hairballs but he's never really done that before. I searched online for what feline coughing looked like and sure enough it was exactly what he was doing. Then it got worse, in the span of a few days he went from a relatively normal routine of going outside in the mornings, buming around inside for a bit, sleeping, eating,  to where he is now with so little strength and no appetite. He'll only eat a few bites of wet food every couple hours IF we encourage him. Worst of all I don't know if he's in pain. As I'm writing this he's laying next to me but he never seems to be completely comfortable. He seemed to be awake all last night, at least every time I checked on him.

I'm just torn up, the thought taking him away from home for the last time is unbearable. I can't imagine what life will be like knowing he's not there and it's bloody heartbreaking to think of it.

It's impossible to forget though, he's been absolutely the best pet you could ever ask for. He's given us so much and I know we've given him a great home. I can't complain about one bit. It just sucks beyond all belief to know it's all going to an end in a few days.
Study Asian chick by ricochet188
Study Asian chick
This didn't come out terribly well. I had a horrible workding day yesterday, unable to make anything worthwhile. So I did this in about 2 hours maybe.
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Study Squatterman by ricochet188
Study Squatterman
This is just some quicky lighting practice. I glanced at some pictures on the interwebs but most was from memory. I found this really helpful!
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We put him down this morning at 11 35. It was absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss him so fucking much. He took a turn for the worse this morning so I called up my mum to come home from work so we could end his suffering as soon as possible. About a year ago, because of his failing heart, a blood clot paralyzed his back legs and we were sure that was going to be the end of him. Everywhere I read online it said this was an almost certainly fatal condition for a cat. But nope, he defied the odds he got better and was able to move his legs a bit more every day. It was hard though, he became so restless, meowing all the time and panicking for about 3 nights straight, but he got better. And after a few weeks he was back to his normal playful self.

This morning out of nowhere that same thing happened to him on top of the coughing and shortness of breath and weak muscles. It was too much and i couldn't keep him calm, he was not going to eat or drink. Today had to be the end. As i was struggling to hold him while making a call to the vet right after he bit though my finger, I felt rather complacent about the idea of it. It was too painful to see him like that.

It still hasn't hit me, I just got home and don't know what to do, nothing feels right. The house is dead quiet and for the first time in 19 years I'm completely alone in it. I can't even think straight I want to burst out into tears but knowing he's not around to hear me and knowing he's not anywhere it feels strange. I'm glad he's been put to rest, he deserved to go in a decent way, he deserved everything.

Good bye buddy.

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:iconnihonfreakmb:
NihonFreakMB Featured By Owner 17 hours ago  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You are terrifying. . . good job. There's a picture or two ("Malevolence") that I can't favorite because they're just too scary. And you're not afraid to imagine. Alien, dreamlike, but feels real, unflinching; reflective / pensive and moody but without being emo. You go to dark and unknown places and bring back pictures. 
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:iconcbarag:
cbarag Featured By Owner Edited 20 hours ago
Your writings, stories and paintings are just breath-taking. I'm in awe and feel inspired by your thoughts and the way you execute your ideas. I felt the need to say I admire what you do and the rich mind you have. Hope to see a lot more from it.
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:icondecophoto32:
decophoto32 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist Photographer
Amazing Gallery. 
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:icondavideboratto:
DavideBoratto Featured By Owner 1 day ago
great drawings :)
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:iconvirmatra:
virmatra Featured By Owner 2 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have a special gift. Never stop doing what you do.
x V
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:iconunbearableme:
UnbearableME Featured By Owner 3 days ago
your art is really good :)
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:iconxnra:
xnra Featured By Owner 4 days ago
I love wandering through your brain! I'm looking forwar to seeing more of Sybil and your robot series.
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:iconenola-jay:
Enola-Jay Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Absolutely inspiring work, love it!
[Also, very sorry to hear about your cat; I went through something similar, stay positive! <3]
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:iconricaducell:
Ricaducell Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Professional General Artist
Oh wow! I've never felt this inspired for a long time. Your works are incredible, and the stories behind them are also very gripping. Makes me want to rethink my approach when making my own stories. You're amazing man! :TipOfTheHat: 
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:iconysmth:
ysmth Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Hobbyist Photographer
awesome work here!!! great skills! wow
ever thought of doing a graphic novel version of a Dean Koontz book? :D
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